DAMNIT - where were these people when I was getting married?

Pool jump, but no pool - ouchie

http://view.break.com/466732 - Watch more free videos

You knew it was coming...

Willa Ford is... Anna Nicole.

I think I smell Oscar! ...No, wait, that's... shit. I smell human shit.

Super Bad 2: Super Worse

This is good. Seriously, you should watch it. Really. I'm serious.

I'm sure her parents are proud

I don't really know what to say here, other than, "Can someone hand me a tissue?"

Oh Dear - this is funny...seriously

Bad idea - what a dumbass!

Redneck Woman

Maybe because I got drunk last night playing guitar hero, but I laughed my ass off that this video - sorry.

Onion Movie

Being a huge fan of The Onion, I found this pretty damn funny. If you don't, well, your a dumbass...

Cricket Streaker

The greatest thing about streaker videos is obviously not dongs flapping about. It's watching some naked retard get owned by players who are not amused.

AGAIN - Crazy ass black people

This is the most insane commercial I have ever seen. I pray it did not air.

SXSW in Dallas?!?

yep - the yearly passing of all the "good" indy bands that are making their way to SXSW is headed our way. So, if you don't have the cash or the patience to put up with Austin and all the smelly hippies - go here!

1919 Hemphill (Fort Worth)

Prizzy Prizzy Please / Sass Dragons / Totally Michael / The Pharmacy / Pleasureboaters (Tuesday, March 11)

Cougar Den / Trifle Tower / Healers / Wildildlife / Fight Amputation / Pools / Sohns (Wednesday, March 12)

The Aardvark (Fort Worth)

Big Red Rooster / Psyco Blues / The Ropes / Braker Lane (Thursday, March 6)

Bobby Bare Jr. / The Builders / The Butchers (Tuesday, March 11)

Nelo / Garrett Heinrichs (Wednesday, March 19)

AllGood Cafe

South Austin Jug Band (Saturday, March 8)

Andy's Basement Bar and Grill (Denton)

Torche / Harvey's Milk (Thursday, March 13)


White Rabbits
The Cavern (Dallas)

Bowerbirds / Phosphorescent / Sarah Jaffe (Monday, March 10)

Evangelicals / Headlights / Gentlemen Auction House (Tuesday, March 11)

The Dreamed / Ezra Furman & the Harpoons / Aaron Robinson / The XYZ Affair (Wednesday, March 12)

White Rabbits / Minmae (Thursday, March 13)

Die! Die! Die! / Psychic Ills / Sian Alice Group (Monday, March 17)

The Chat Room Pub

Whiskey Folk Ramblers / Great Lakes Myth Society / Frontier Ruckus / Chris Bathgate (Saturday, March 15)

City Tavern (Dallas)

Austin Collins / Sleepercar (Saturday, March 8)

Sleepy Horses / Dexateens / The Dumps (Tuesday, March 11)

Club Dada (Dallas)

The Black Hollies (Saturday, March 8)

The Darkside Lounge

Tub Ring (Friday, March 14)

Dan's Silverleaf (Denton)

Grand Archives / The Acorn (Tuesday, March 11)

Raised by Tigers / Wolffe (Thursday, March 13)

Corn Mo (Friday, March 14)

Telegraph Canyon / Birds and Batteries / Tony Scherr (Saturday, March 15)

Austin Collins / Sleepercar (Thursday, March 20)

The Robert Gomez Band (Saturday, March 22)


Edison Glass
The Door (Dallas)

News Team Assemble / The Photo Atlas / The Autumns / My Life on Film (Sunday, March 9)

Edison Glass / Lives of Famous Men / The Real You / The Morning State (Tuesday, March 11)

The Ropes / Innerpartysystem / The Motion Sick / Sequoyah Prep School (Tuesday, March 11)

Pelican Skeleton / Borius / Yanari / The Last American Buffalo / The Big Bang / Dillon Chevalier (Saturday, March 15)

Double Wide (Dallas)

The Weather Underground / Wild Sweet Orange (Tuesday, March 11)

The Meatmen / The Buck Brothers / Spector 45 (Wednesday, March 12)

Parts & Labor / Torche / Pterodactyl / Shooting Spires (Sunday, March 16)

Peelander-Z / The Dutch Treats / The Hack and Slashers (Tuesday, March 18)


Cloud Cult
Good Records (Dallas)

Blitzen Trapper (Tuesday, March 4)

Phosphorescent (Monday, March 10)

Cloud Cult (Tuesday, March 11)

Dreamend (Wednesday, March 12)

Kid Dakota (Wednesday, March 12)

The LK (Sunday, March 16)

Silje Nes (Tuesday, March 18)

The Dodos (Tuesday, March 18)

The Granada Theater (Dallas)

Centro-matic / South San Gabriel / Robert Gomez (Saturday, March 8)

Supersuckers / Railbenders / The cut*off (Monday, March 10)

Blue Cheer / Blood of the Sun (Tuesday, March 11)

Cloud Cult / My Brightest Diamond / Kid Dakota (Wednesday, March 12)

The Lemonheads / The Icarus Line (Thursday, March 13)

The English Beat / Eleven Fingered Charlie / Outlaw Nation / Jointmethod (Saturday, March 15)

Jens Lekman / Hanne Hukkelberg (Sunday, March 16)

Hailey's (Denton)

Blitzen Trapper / Fleet Foxes (Tuesday, March 4)

Grimy Styles / It's What You Get (Wednesday, March 5)

Beach House / Papercuts / Mom (Saturday, March 8)

Zest of Yore / Catfish Haven / Explorer's Club / Mannequin Men (Monday, March 10)

Islands (Wednesday, March 12)


Nicole Atkins & The Sea
Born Ruffians / Cadence Weapon (Saturday, March 15)

Crystal Castles / Health (Sunday, March 16)

Tacks, the Boy Disaster / The Silent Years (Wednesday, March 19)

The House of Blues (Dallas)

They Might be Giants / Oppenheimer (Tuesday, March 4)

The Subdudes / Paul Thorn (Thursday, March 6)

Nicole Atkins & the Sea / Astra Heights / The Parlor Mob (Sunday, March 9)

Back Door Slam / Teenage Prayers (Tuesday, March 11)

North Mississippi Allstars (Wednesday, March 12)

X (Thursday, March 13)

The Donnas / Romance Fantasy (Friday, March 14)

Sara Bareilles / Ingrid Michaelson / Cary Brothers / Joshua Radin / Greg Laswell (Friday, March 14)

Sia / Har Mar Superstar (Saturday, March 15)

All Time Low / The Rocket Summer / The Matches / Sonny / Forever The Sickest Kids (Sunday, March 16)

Horrorpops / The Pink Spiders / Steve E Nix & The Cute Lepers (Wednesday, March 19)

The Bodeans (Friday, March 21)


Astronautalis
Lakewood Bar and Grill (Dallas)

The Dollyrots / Suffrajett (Tuesday, March 11)

The Loft (Dallas)

The Cribs (Wednesday, March 12)

MSTRKRFT / LA Riots / Lazaro Casanova (Sunday, March 16)

Lola's (Fort Worth)

Eliot Lipp / Astronautilus (Thursday, March 6)

Thee Emergency / The Hard Lessons / The Black Hollies (Monday, March 10)

The Most Serene Republic / Grand Archives / The Jealous Girlfriends (Wednesday, March 12)

Monotonix / RTX / Handbrake (Thursday, March 13)

Eleven Hundred Springs / The Wilders / 100 Damned Guns / Whiskey Folk Ramblers / The A.M. Ramblers (Saturday, March 15)

Gil Mantera's Party Dream / Say Hi / Kevin Devine (Sunday, March 16)

O'Death / Langhorne Slim / Blackland River Devils (Monday, March 17)

The Dodos / Silje Nes (Wednesday, March 19)

Collin Herring / Austin Collins / Sleeper Car / The Hope Trust (Friday, March 21)

Telegraph Canyon / Doug Burr / Cheyenne / Wynn Walent (Saturday, March 22)

McDavid Studio

Haale (Friday, March 14)


Girl in a Coma
The Moon Bar (Fort Worth)

Oliver Future / The Burning Hotels (Saturday, March 8)

The Palladium Ballroom (Dallas)

Digitalism (Thursday, March 13)

Poor David's Pub (Dallas)

Shawn Phillips (Friday, March 14)

Girl in a Coma / Jen Foster / Lisa Dewey / Tile (Sunday, March 16)

The Redblood Club (Dallas)

Municipal Waste / Iron Lung / Brutal Knights / World Inferno Friendship Society / Boot Hill Gang (Wednesday, March 12)

Dead to Me / Teenage Bottlerocket / Broadway Calls / The Femurs (Sunday, March 16)

Rubber Gloves Rehearsal Studio (Denton)

Fishboy / Baby Walrus / Hymns (Thursday, March 6)

This Will Destroy You / Tame.. Tame and Quiet / Handbrake (Friday, March 7)

Shiny Around the Edges / Castanets / These are Powers (Sunday, March 9)


Mahjongg
The Physics of Meaning / The Lisps / Le Concorde / Laura Palmer (Monday, March 10)

Why? / Cryptacize / Sunburned Hand of the Man (Tuesday, March 11)

Mahjongg / History at Our Disposal / The Show is the Rainbow (Thursday, March 13)

An Albatross / Apes / Eat Averys Bones (Sunday, March 16)

Peelander-Z / Last of the Interceptors / The Lash Outs (Wednesday, March 19)

Sloppyworld (Dallas)

Foreign Islands / Lipstick Terror / These Are Powers / Prince William (Monday, March 10)

White Mice / The Coathangers / Pleasureboaters / DJ Scotch Egg (Thursday, March 13)

White Rock Coffee (Dallas)

Donny Hue and the Colors / Olivia and the Housemates (Tuesday, March 11)

Meredith Bragg & the Terminals / Rogue Motel / Brandon Chandler (Sunday, March 16)

Interracial Dancing: The Movie

Again with the crazy Asians. I have no clue why anyone would make/use this. Silly Asians!

I got my nerves of steel from my grandmother...

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It sucks being a lonely fat-ass!

The age old question, finally answered.

I'm Sorry

Ok - Recently I've been called out as a racist. So I've been told to apologize.

Although I'm pretty sure that the 4 people that have seen this blog don't think I'm a racist or they would have said something to me directly.

Here's the deal - I was just playing around one day, surfing the web for funny videos and decided that most of the funny stuff goes unnoticed. SSSSOOO - hey why not pull it all together so others don't have to spend their own time finding it! RIGHT?!?! That is what I wanted to do...

Well - come to find out, the people of color make me laugh more than white people. Why is that so wrong. I'm not saying I want to drag them behind a truck or hang them in my back yard - they just do crazy shit that I wouldn't do.

So, with that being said - I'M NOT A RACIST. I PROMISE. ARE WE COOL?!? PLEASE?

I've never seen the show this was "taken" from, but this is one crazy black chick.

I liked that "Super Size Me" Documentary - This one is more up my alley!

Reminds me of home!

This was clearly written by someone in the UK, but most apply here.

It's a pretty good list and everybody likes a good list, right?

You might notice some numbers are out of sequence. I took some out that don't apply in the lovely US (stupid British Fuck!)

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. - I'M SORRY, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

This time this black person didn't make me laugh as much as she made me think, but I wasn't sure what to think - silly black people!

I was a HUGE fan of the Soprano's...this dude nailed Tony (so to speak)

I'm not totally sure how appropriate this is, but whatever...it's funny!

This is old school thievery!

Sorry about the link. This is an article about a jewelry heist, where the thieves tunnelled into the store. They had been digging since Christmas.

HELL YEA - if I was going to steal something, that is how I would do it.

Now - granted, this is from the NY Post. I'm pretty sure the Post is like the Dallas Observer (more bullshit than content). But whatever, the story is kickass!

OSCAR GEM HEIST

I guess everybody/thing wants a piece of pussy every now and then!

Cat And Dog Action :) - Funny Video - TurboFunny.com
Animal videos

Why Not?

This is a pretty funny "prank".

BONUS QUESTION: Can you pick out the jew?

"I'm Fucking Ben Affleck"

I'm sure by now everyone has seen Sarah Silverman's "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" video. Well...Kimmel came up with his on version.

Personally, I think Kimmel is a giant douche bag, but this is pretty funny.

Same stunt as below - different angle

Apparently, the handlebars are what really fucked 'em up.

This is the stunt that torn Johnny Knoxvilles ball-sack off (sort-of)

Finally a solution for my "problem"

How To Make A Big Condom

See more like this on kontraband.com

holy shit - this is funny

Asians make me laugh, too.

Silly Ornamental

Damn - Black people make me laugh

if you notice the area code - that is Memphis Tennessee...figures

I SWEAR I dated a girl that had a cat exactly like this. I still fucking hate cats!

I never realized a bear would do this - check this out!

That's what I'm talkin' about!

I love the way his cascading mullet flows into his luxurious back hair.

This kid rearry rearry goood

Oh dear - I certainly hope my daughter handles herself with such class...!

huh?

This honestly scares me...

http://www.abum.com/63174/This-is-how-I-Remind-You-as-sang-by-some-internet-freak.html

Again - Black people make me laugh!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME - THIS MADE THE 10:00 NEWS

Picture this: I'm sitting there watching Jane and Mike, finishing up my "last beer for the night"; I just heard about Romney stepping down; I just heard about somebody stomping a baby to death - you know, the importarnt stuff. THEN THIS...

http://video.nbc5i.com/player/?id=215534

(sorry - you've got see the vid after the jump - and, of course, there's a God Damned commercial)

FIRST THE FUCK OFF - that chic's husband needs to have his balls examined. What pussy would allow this to go on in him own home - faggot!

J.C. - Channel 5 has GOT to be the biggest excuse of a news station ever to put on the air.

Black People Make Me Laugh

I still get a kick out of this!

This is one hot myspace pic - can you tell me what the hell is wrong with idiot!!!??!!

Odd couple but great song.

Outstanding...!!!

200 people "freeze in place" at the exact time in NYC. Very cool!

I always figured he was a dickhead

He said beaner...

I thought this was funny. As I was getting "up to date" this morning reading D Magazine's blog; they had this to say about a Farmers Branch attorney. MAN - they are some racists fuckers up there. Either that or just DUMB!

A Farmers Branch attorney is in trouble for saying that guessing the number of Hispanic voters in the city is like estimating “the number of beans in jar.” He later apologized, saying that he didn’t know “beaner” was a derogatory term for Hispanics, noting that he should have memorized Chong’s improvised song from Cheech and Chong’s Next Movie (the one following Cheech’s smash “Mexican-Americans”) titled “Beaners.”

Girl shooting a shotgun for the first time...

You have to watch until the end when the fat guy talks - sheer genius


Stupid videos

This is one bad-ass indian (dot, not feather)

Pretty Damn Good Player!

I dare you not to laugh

You have a what?

The most annoying toy ever

I bet you can't watch the whole thing!

I like mine with rice

Childish Fun

OK OK - I know this is stupid, but I watched it 5 times.

Sekt and the City

If you live in Dallas, then no doubt you have seen the letters S.E.K.T. Here's how and why.

This is what it would look like if Dallas was in Lubbock

Pretty ballsy way to meet chics - who knows? I may try it.

People videos

Wanna feel dumb? Go for it!

I will post the answers tomorrow. Post your answers in comments.

1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?

2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?

3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how many rungs are under water?

4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?

5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?

6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. How did sloppy die?

7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?

8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is 45 degrees F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket at 30 degrees F, them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first? Same question, but the location is in Canada?

9. What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.

10. What can go up a chimney down, but can't go down a chimney up?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field?

12. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?

13. Paul is 20 years old in 1980, but only 15 years old in 1985. How is this possible?

14. What has four legs but only one foot?

15. How many of each animal did Moses take on the ark?

16. Kindly old Grandfather Lunn
Is twice as old as his son
Twenty-five years ago
Their age ratio
Strange enough was three to one
When does Grandfather celebrate his centenary?

17. Said a certain young lady named Gwen
Of her tally of smitten young men
"one less and three more
Divided by four
Together give one more than ten"
How many boyfriends had she?

18. There was a young fellow named Clive
Whose bees number ten power five
The daughters to each son
Were as nineteen to one,
A truly remarkable hive.
How many sons (drones) were in the hive?

19. A team's opening batter named Nero
Squared his number of hits, the big hero!
After subtracting his score
He took off ten and two more
And the final result was a "zero".
How many hits did Nero make:

20. Some freshman from Trinity Hall
Played hockey with a wonderful ball;
Two times its weight
Plus weight squared, minus eight,
Gave "nothing" in ounces at all.
What was the weight of the ball?

21. The Bar Z ranch was a dude ranch. One day a new "dude" asked one of the stable hands how many men were tending the horses in the corral. Having a mischievous sense of humor, he replied, "I saw eighty-two feet and twenty-six heads". He then walked away, leaving the dude scratching his head trying to figure it out. How many men were tending the horses?

22. One morning as Paul was getting his newspaper, he noticed on his new house something that needed to be fixed. Heading over to the hardware store, he spoke to the manager, describing his problem. The manager said, "I know just what you need". He led Paul down some aisles and stopped in front of some bins. Digging down into some of the bins, he set something up on the shelf. "I saw your house when it was built", the manager said. "Here's all that you'll need and how much it'll cost... five will be 15 cents while fifty will be 30 cents, 250 will be 45 cents, while 2507 will only cost you 60 cents. One lady, about 20 blocks from your house, bought 30247 and only paid 75 cents! These are black, but they also come in gold and silver." What was the manager selling?

23. If it takes 3 people to dig a hole, how many does it take to dig half a hole?

24. What is the beginning of eternity. The end of time and space. The beginning of every end. And the end of every place?

God Lord she's an idiot.

Again - this is long, but worth the view.

I swear I don't hate women, they just make asses of themselves much more than men.

IRON MY SHIRT

Some guy heckles Billary at a rally. Go ahead and stop the video after he get he gets booted, she goes on to talk about her vagina and period---GROSS.

That'll learn her!

I have never really seen a cunt punch, I suppose this would count as one...DAMN!

Some dude gives his girlfriend a beav trim...

http://view.break.com/350846 - Watch more free videos

Almost too racy, but after lemonparty.org, I thougt, "What the hell?"

NSFW at most offices.

How 'Bout Them Cowboys

ABSOLUTE EMBARRASMENT!

These guys actually might be able to save us some cash!

Maybe some relief from $3.00 gas prices - just maybe!

taking a bad song and making it better!

huh? What?

I don't know what she is saying, but I think it has something to do with mowing the yard.

How to Fold a Shirt

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Dallas's Finest - What a JOKE!